Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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