South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
