If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
