the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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