She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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