I'm going to jail i love you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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