You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
