Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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