You really coming over, don't trick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
