My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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