I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
