he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
