4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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