Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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