fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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