Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
