That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
