She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
