Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
