Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
