I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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