She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize