And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
