Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
