This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know her cup size but not her name....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
