maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
