ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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