John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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