I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
