His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
