Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
