I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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