Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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