how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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