Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize