I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
