I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
