you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
