I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize