'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a naked man in my car right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
