I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
