i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
COCAINE IS GR8
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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