I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
