Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
