I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
