I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
