So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
