I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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