so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
