i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
