her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
