I smell stomach acid.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
