You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize