the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
