just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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