He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
