all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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