I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
