hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
