I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
