Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize