Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
