RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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