It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
