How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
