Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
