...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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