Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
