I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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