On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
