Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
