didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
