I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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