Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
