I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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