he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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