I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Less talking, more tequila
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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